J'NISE Tailgate Confessions

Long day yesterday....Just as I was going a postive direction and atttitude along with it, this slide towards the opposite is happening..I wont finish this post today, for it deals with community and anger. First i am angery only because I am sad. I am sad at this broken world we live in, and more specifically the issue with issue. As of right now the child (our) knows no sin, Just like your dog just like a mountain li0n. They are Gods gift to creatures to life, they only do what the "fire flys doing exactly what they are suppose to do"...(josh ritter). They diserve nothing, they diserve no potching, no killing, they diserve life. They diserve to be preserved, cherished, loved and loved some more. Its not my fault, Its not Amandas fault, Its not your fault, but you roll the damn dice, if only once things like this can happen. But its done, what has happened has happened, there is no turning back, we have to live with this.Amanda has to live with this. We dont want to live this. I wanna run, I want to take every day off and keep busy, help Journey out, Go to best buy, Go to your house, I dont want to go home. Im taking it out on the wrong people, I havent been takin No for an answer. So we need some breaks in the future months, please lord, where-ever you are.

next stop community, yes sadness and more sadness...

family loyality 101..

Im lookin for a car to save 50 bucks a month. Company wants to do..our Gas bill is hugs.. fuckin huge. SO i find a guy at courtasy nissan, great guy from africa.....As soon as I sell my truck hes the man..well Ryan wants the same car, does he go too my guy fuck no...he goes to some guy in Misquite.. My dad goes to toyota, which we bought amandas car.. Ed was are salsesman, does dad see Ed (for a discount) no... I told him too.. He also chated with Nissan and not my guy.... common since one guy sales three cars one day we get a great deal....so today Is fuck the family day... wherees the fin loyality...!!!

Ive had a bahd day.. A real bad day... it started yesterday..So i go to verizon to buy amanda a new phone, and I want a phone for 50bucks off for shes still under contract..But she has to have phone.. So rail, im mean rail into this guy, about how verizon will lose a customer if yada happens.. for switching companyies is cheaper than buying this phone..AND 600 dollars a year from a phone bill... I told him, "youd rather lose a customer to sprint than save me 50 bucks off a 300 dollar reg price phone"... I said if you say that I will leave... Really i said it 3 times. He walks away like a chicken, at i stay there for 30minutes.. He comes back I rail into his ass again..he walks off... I leave go to another verison and get 60 bucks off!! I didnt even have to ask.. I go back to first guy and rub it in... Asking him wheres the love you could have helped me...... He said no, I couldnt... well fuck you , you sorry bastard ass bith fuckin ungracefull unloyal asshole from Texas.....

This all stared when i found out some aditional news, that could happen to reece growing up.... My heart sany yesterday, I was fucked , i was pissed, and fuck this world....My insides were gone, and the same today. Im mad, Im angry, Im in a state of rage... I renounce my fuckin faith (for a day), cause the chaos of the world is so fucked up, and God fucked adam and eave and gave us this peace of shit earth, to deal with and all its 23434242 problems. So really God fucked you and me too..He wanted choice, I wouldnt have eaten that damn apple hell no. bliss for life , im on.. and Fuck eave , for she was involved.. Dumbasses... dumbasses.... you offer me 75 degress for lifetime or dallas, as long as I dont drink beer.. FUck beer.. Fuck dallas!!!

'where is the life I reconize" 90s artist

ok, first off this first section is calling something at , you can be mad, but thats life. Im apart of the Journey find a building a committee, and we have been searching for about 5 weeks. And Im giving us an F. Danielle has done a great job, shes not included. But 4 hrs in a car, (8) cars one 100 refs, does not cut it. so you can see this as 80hrs search of a 4 hour search. I see the later. One sunday will NOT find shit. The refs are good but some are a given waste of time to write down. We should be doing this every Sunday, For Ive seen some propertys driving a round not on our list. So commitywe suck. We dont care, and have no DEDICATION.. I mean this..Finding a needle in a freakin city of 2billion sq feet. Im angry and I have allreay adressed this.. But IM not satisfied.There is no reason we can look again, no reason at all..NOne. zero...Nada. We have done this before we know what it takes, and this is as crazy as a whale mating with a gerble.



coming next family loyality in this post

I talked to ronnie last week... about the stabing. We came to the same the same conclusion. There is not one. Were in a broken fucked up world, and thats what happens. With maturity and perserverience things like this can have a happy ending but without it, its pointless. but if not mentioned earlier there was some more news last week, that made the stabing worse.. Ive been sold out before, and let me tell you that these two issues are now connected. While working on one of these(friend of highschool) i find out that person A is now working with the other(job). Thus makeing it hard to work on the relationship that does have hope...So if i do work things out then im dealing automatically with the other.. All this started over a piece of literature.

Im giving the mother of the year award and doesnt go to yours. My wife amanda has won every gold possible.

Im starting to feel sorry for the coffee grower , and the blue whale. yes they go together. Amongst other creatures on the extinction list.. Coffee man is poor and extinction list is getting bigger. If we can rebuild the twin tours we can fix these as well.

have you ever beesn sold out and stabed in the back at the same time? I never knew I would ever be involved in those kind of relationships. For im a Christian, we are loyal, die for another.. Well the world is still turning and the knife is still there..

Yesterday after moving foward in allot of directions I noticed how tempting the corner in the back looked. I was born in the corner, I want out of the corner.. I wanted to close up , and say ah, nothing matters its allgood, peace my friend..

Ive been questioning a few things this week, such as loyality, and the idea of its your life, your incontrol, and you have to take care of it. JUST like everyone else.. Well there are flaws in these types of thoughts. We have got to come the fuck together if we are gonna make differences in our lifes and others. Which some of us are dont get me wrong. This is a bad example, Luke and I helped a prostitute when searching for a building. Shes broke im broke, as long as you dont need money I think i can help you. Im saddened in allot areas regarding this little idea. I just dont und
erstand. I just dont understand..Ive got zero phone calls this week regarding my week.. How many did you get? Is this a good thing?

lets go back to the corner, why does it look so attractive.. becuase it says I dont have to give a fuck. O you said, I dont care peace out (in some waay) ITS SAYS I CAN RELAX.let the wolrd turn without me. Im at a party ill sit in the back , im at home i wont be personal.....I want to run.
I want 75 degree weather every day.. I want green trees, pink flowers, green grass, cool breeze, arm streched out like Leo on the titantic.

Today im wondering what a heart is, and if we all have one. I talked to my friend today that disowned me, (not his words) no regrets, no you we should forget it all.. You know let by gones be by gones. No Im sorry I couldnt be there last week. No, "love"... I just want to say this word, just want.. God-damit. (as anthony in bottle rocket uses) Its now to time to give it some time. Da. Note to readers, ive invested many years in this friendship so i can write about it as much as I like. But from what I understand he says i see this whole thing incorectly and that I make everything into an argument. Maybe I do... I dont think so. Im still coming to your dads , funeral I hope youll come to mine. Our conversation lasted a good 30 minutes, and no hand shakes, no nothin....

Ive been workin on an old relationship , which went away 3 years ago.. It has taken time, But Im very positive about it. Time will tell, Ive been patient.. (an ol highschool friendship) so pray this goes well..

I still like the bless this food to our body , prayer even if we are eating fried chiken, and frito pie.

thank you Ronnie for joining the post lent chamay gathering, quickly... head counts are always good.

good night good luck
justin

I Would first like to give my congrats to my friend who didnt not come come and visit me and Amanda in the hospital. No none of yall...Its devistating...Im not complaing just hoping for more. 10 years, .....(incomplete thought but would work in a conversatin) I am saddened and I have seeked amends..What are amends anyway..?? Its illogical, it really it.. There for I cant make it logical. Thats all I know about that. I had some to to process this some more and it put me in tears. for the trhee minutes I proecessed it.

food for thought dear god, "and we bless this food to the nourishment to our bodies" (fried chiken, 1/2 pound hamburger, french fries) what are we really asking god. Yes i recall the water to wine story but fried chiken to chicken brest?? no... That food will not nourish our bodies..

Ronnie and Amy came over last week on Friday and I think them, for their free pizza..Phobe in her 2's is allot of fun as well. I recally amy asking a question about our baby, a serious question and i weclomed it. But I did feel it was taboo to ask us.. Im hear to let you know to ask away. It keeps me out of denial. Ive got to face it. It happened, and im jealous of every parent in our friendlist, but that doesnt change a thing. Share with me. Lets to this together. For im more scared then you. I never would have thought the word overies would mean so much to me. It wants me to stay detached ,removed, uninvolved, but I have to go through this grave. Im tired of detachement. Ive got to participate in these very early times.. Pray if you can, here....

Last night at Journey I met two new gals from Gtown.. and after a brief intro, I said "so are yall Christians" (in the name of gordon keith.Well Candy heard this then told carry, and they came to save the girls from jnice. Ray lynn jumped in as well. You know me, rt...I think its genious and so do ticket lisnters but others dont understand. AND i really love doing it..But it does set me up for something im not. Im deep inside not that guy, just on the surface. Im also a stream of consious on the surface as well... So who to be? I like both but most only see one, and that kinda of saddens me...

Well Good night and Good luck..
May we all be redeemed
justin